| Services |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
| News |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Channels |
| Home & Family |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Leisure |
|
|
|
|
| Technology |
|
|
|
|
|
| Business |
|
|
|
|
| Science |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Site Search  |
|
|
|
|
| Free email |
|
|
|
|
 |
Living with Teen putting a strain on your relationship … |
| Sarah Newton |
Love is in the air, or is it…
For Parents with children and especially teenagers, love and romance we'll forget about it…
The other night I was watching an episode of the Simpsons, and Marge and Homer were doing everything to try and get some times alone, in obvious Simpson style. It included flying half away across America and back again. While amusing, it certainly resonated with me as I am sure it does many Parents, so what do you do, how do you get time alone?
Firstly, I think it is about starting as early as you can and setting time aside so your children are used to it and know that it is going to happen. Friday night in our house is Mammy and Daddy night and the children know that , they go to bed early and do not interrupt us now (although they did in the beginning). They now call this night their night and they go off and do fun things together.
I do think that by doing this we are teaching our children to value the time that they spend with special people in their lives, and we as the Parent should also acknowledge when they need time alone and leave them alone.
So how do you do this with a teenager, how do you get them on side?
1. First I think you need to engage them, you need to make them feel they are a part of the process. So tell them what you want, e.g., "On Valentines night, me and your Dad want to send some uninterrupted time together; how can you help us ensure we get this?" Most Parents are too scared to even ask, so we sneak behind their backs. Also, make sure they are clear what alone means, does it mean out of the house, not in the sitting room, or what? Clearly state what it is you want.
2. Let them know that yes, this is still their house and no, you are not trying to get rid of them, however there are many relationships in the house and you and their Dad is one of them. You need to work on every relationship, you need to work on this one too. This will give you a great opportunity to discuss what it means to be in a relationship, maybe you can relate it to the situations with their friends (like how one friend may get mad if you don't spend enough time with them). Have this be an opportunity for them to learn.
3. Depending on what they say to point 1, make an agreement with them. So if they say that they will go around to their mates, ask them to agree to get back at a certain time. Make sure they are clear what they are agreeing with.
4. Let them know how much you appreciate what they are doing for you and how, if they ever need to be alone, then they can discuss that with you. Have it be give and take, you cannot ask without a bit of give too.
5. To make it feel more fun you could buy them cinema tickets or get them a video - anything to make it special for them too. However do not bribe them with this, allow this to be something that comes after the agreement has been made. If you bribe them here, they will not be learning anything and will expect it next time and the next time……
6. If they do not agree or are unhelpful in the beginning then do not bite back, just let them know how their reaction will affect you and how the house is give and take and how you feel unvalued……and go out instead. Let them know that if this is a house where relationship are not valued, then you will have to take that into consideration when it comes to their friends.
Once you have successfully implemented this then there is no reason why it cannot be a regular thing. Maybe you and one of their friends mum's can take it in turns, giving each other the night off.
So this Valentines, have some fun……….
|
| About the Author |
©2005 All rights reserved
Sarah Newton, Northampton, United Kingdom
sarah@coaching4teens.com
http://www.coaching4teens.com
Sarah Newton founded Coaching 4 Teens in 2002. She quickly built a reputation for delivering quality coaching that produced quick results. She was among the first eight people to be trained in the Parent as Coach approach. To this approach Sarah brings her own experiences of working with teenagers for four years training them in such topics as crime, drugs, safety and citizenship.
|
|
|
| Quotes | Heres tae the fool on the hill and his pals that are down in the valley.- Wolfstone, Glass and the Can
He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O (H-to-O).
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts — for support rather than illumination. — Andrew Lang.
|
| Writers | | If you are a writer and want to see your article published at Theallineed.com, just click here to submit. |
|
Secretary-General welcomes 'historic' election of Lebanese President
Taboo Topics