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How to get your ex back |
| Ed Kurnik |
What happens after you get back together
You might think this is an obvious answer but the truth is that it's not. Many couples make the fatal error of making the same mistakes all over again that they made the first time around.
No matter how good your intentions, you will find that history repeats itself and that you are back where you started. This happens more times than you can imagine and it is for this very reason that I have included this section in the book.
What to do after you get back together is not as obvious as you might think it is.
For one thing, since we are assuming that you were successful in getting back together with your ex (remember to think positive thoughts!), then you would have done one of a number of things, if at all.
You might have resolved any issues you had which were the direct cause of your breakup; you might have changed or mended your ways so that you were more able to deal with the relationship on its own terms; or you might have completely changed your tune so that you are now able to meet these things head-on.
If you have done none of these things then you can bet your last cent that you will make the same mistakes that you made last time, and that you will more than likely come to the same impasse that you did earlier.
Or you will find that since things were never really resolved, the relationship doesn't really get off the ground again, and you're stuck trying to make good of a bad situation.
If you have not forgiven each other for any mistakes that you have made; if you do not accept that you are a totally separate person from your partner and that you are not one entity and therefore don't necessarily have the same thoughts and ideas; if you do not accept that you both need to work in tandem to make this work, then you will have failed from the outset.
And I really am sorry to have to have said that. But you can't hide from the truth of it, and trying to do an ostrich impression (hiding your head in the sand) just won't cut it.
You need to do all of these things and then some, in order to make a relationship – any relationship – work a second time around, because by now you know each other's flaws and weak spots, you know exactly what to say to hurt, and exactly what to say to make the other person happy.
By nature this is the definition of a relationship, and
• until you can both of you take responsibility for it,
• until you can both of you change your ways to make this relationship work,
• until you can both learn to forgive the other for being human and making mistakes,
• and until you can both learn from your past mistakes,
your relationship the second time around won't be as fulfilling as it was the first time around.
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| Quotes | I would like to state something about college life: Facist Europe papersattract a disproportionate number of gothic type faces.
David Randall
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than an eternity without it. One.
Nicholas Cage, City of Angels |
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