| Services |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
| News |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Channels |
| Home & Family |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Leisure |
|
|
|
|
| Technology |
|
|
|
|
|
| Business |
|
|
|
|
| Science |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Site Search  |
|
|
|
|
| Free email |
|
|
|
|
 |
Boys will be boys…but do you know why? |
| TheAllINeed.com |
(NC&T/TA&MU) "A male's way of thinking, emotional processing and physiological characteristics influence his behavior and relationships," said Steve Talbert, counselor with the Lubbock Independent School District. "Recognizing this can help you work better with the young men in your life, in home, school or community situations."
Talbert was a featured speaker at the 2006 Building Strong Families: Tools For Success parenting conference in Lubbock. Founded by the Lubbock County Partners for Parenting Coalition, the conference is designed for parents and professionals who work with parents in a 20-county area surrounding Lubbock.
In the first two to five weeks of life, a fetus receives its biological programming from its DNA. Those destined to become males undergo a testosterone wash throughout the body. This wash imbues the fetus with more muscle mass, a higher sex drive, higher levels of aggression and male physiological characteristics, Talbert said.
"Aggression in this context means competitiveness," he said. "Testosterone also imparts three distinctive behavior patterns in males. The first is a search for instant or quick gratification. The second is a tendency to move quickly into problem solving. The third is a tendency to prefer activities which allow physical expression."
![]()
This biological wiring also affects how boys and young men deal with their feelings and emotions, he said. For example, boys often release their feelings in quick bursts of displayed energy – by slamming doors, flying off the handle or hitting something. This is action-release expression, Talbert said.
Males are also hard-wired for suppression/delayed reaction. They often delay or "stuff" their emotions because their brain moves them quickly into problem solving mode.
"Boys can be off kilter for a week before they allow someone to help them solve a problem," Talbert said. "Guys do not process feelings as quickly as girls. Boys can take up to seven hours longer than girls to process hard emotive data in the brain. During this time, boys and men often go into their cave. They retreat to a safe haven, a familiar environment.
"Problem solving, connecting their feelings with a safer object, helps them process and then release their emotional energy. Experts call this displacement objectification."
Because males are hard-wired for these responses, boys and young men may need some guidance for expressing their emotions.
"When you see a boy crying, understand that he is processing hard emotional data at a fast and confusing rate," Talbert said. "Help him find a comfort zone. Let him retreat and process the emotional data, but let him know you will help him put it in perspective when he emerges."
The physical expression that boys and young men often display is sometimes misunderstood, Talbert said.
"Physical expression/aggression is how boys connect with others," he said. "But don't confuse this with violence. Aggression is hard-wired in their brain. Violence is a learned behavior.
"You have to allow for some testosterone-driven aggression, but it should be tempered and directed by nurturance from an Alpha male. Boys and young men learn appropriate male behavior from adult men. They have to learn how to appropriately express their aggression."
When boys and young men act out inappropriately, they need discipline – but the discipline should be directed solely at the behavior.
"Punish the behavior, not the person," Talbert said. "Don't shame boys. This can wreck their self-esteem, especially in the company of their peers. Provide a clear explanation of right and wrong behavior, and the purpose of the rules you apply.
"Keep an open line of communication. Make regular dates to talk to them. Connect with them through action and activities. Discuss their problems honestly and focus on solutions. Listen to them, but don't lecture – let them know that you understand.
"Don't wait to talk to them about sex, drugs and other tricky topics. Provide a safe environment for your communication with them. These things will go a long way in helping you understand the 'manly men' in your life."
|
| About the Author |
©2006 All rights reserved
|
|
|
| Quotes | Heres tae the fool on the hill and his pals that are down in the valley.- Wolfstone, Glass and the Can
He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O (H-to-O).
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts — for support rather than illumination. — Andrew Lang.
|
| Writers | | If you are a writer and want to see your article published at Theallineed.com, just click here to submit. |
|
Nepal's human rights commission has made great strides, says UN official
Help Hair Grow