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How to Put the Sizzle Back in Your Relationship with These Seven Goal Setting Tools |
| Colin Dunbar |
That is not as weird as it may sound. Consider the following definition of a goal: "A goal is a future incidence or event that is consciously worked towards." With this in mind, it is perfectly normal to make it your goal to improve your relationship, and these seven goal setting tools can help you.
A great relationship is one of the finest things life can offer. When you choose your partner and start on a full-time relationship, you look forward to a future of love, support, encouragement, communication and intimacy. We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many different expectations. Often, due to circumstances outside your control, a relationship can become a little tarnished.
You recognize that all people are different and that even the most compatible couple will have individual needs that differ at times. Using just the seven goal setting tools discussed in this article takes a give and take approach. Partners in a relationship who adopt this give and take attitude often feel a sense of pride in modifying a need "downward" when they know it will satisfy and stabilize their partner and the relationship itself. Mutual giving flourishes in an atmosphere of cooperation.
Seven Goal Setting Tools
Listening: Communication is the key to a lasting relationship and listening is the key to communicating. Being a good listener takes more than being attentive to your partner when he or she talks with you. Good listening is a characteristic of a healthy relationship. Give your mate full attention when he or she is talking. Listening without interrupting the other shows respect and also builds trust. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is just to listen - with your heart. So listening helps to improve relationship in great way.
Small things: The small things are what constitute our existence. Once the excitement your partner brings to your world becomes familiar, it's the small things that thrill you both and that will keep you connected and turned-on for the long run. Do the small things you did when you first fell in love with your mate. Remember the small things you did to show your love to your mate? But as time went by, you probably began to get weighed down with simply living life and forgot the small things that made the difference in the beginning. Small things like a phone call in the middle of the day just to talk or say, "I love you", a handwritten appreciative note, flowers, gifts, and opening doors. Re-charge your relationship by consciously going back and doing the small things that you did when your love first began to grow.
Give attention: When each person has decided to give of themselves to the other, you form a reciprocating relationship of love, concern, and devotion. Consider your mate's interests more important than your own. Give attention to your mate's interests. All healthy relationships require consistent, ongoing, conscious attention to survive and thrive. It is a simple fact that whenever we give attention to something, we are choosing to create more of it.
Say 'thank you': One of the most useful phrases in improving your relationship is to say "thank you". These two magic words will make others feel closer to you and create loyal relationships. This attitude of appreciation nourishes the heart of both participants and assures that each person's needs are attended to. Things like saying "thank you", re-charge your relationship. You know to say "thank you" when someone gives you a gift or does something special for you. However, if you're seriously interested in improving your relationship, you need to let your mate know how much you appreciate things that are not special, the things that we just take for granted because people are supposed to do them anyway. Tell your partner what is right with them, what you appreciate, value and cherish. Thank them repeatedly and often. Appreciation makes your partner feel valued. It also builds trust and a feeling of acceptance. These powerful attributes act like a magnet to attract your partner to you.
Personalized gifts: Personalized gifts are great not only for life's special occasions. Personalized gifts bring important moments to life and keep the memory alive forever. Express your feelings and show how much you care with personalized gifts. It shows your partner how much you value your relationship. Personalized gifts are always a winner because they are made exclusively for your beloved, with care and attention. Choose gifts that reflect your partner's interests. Evening wrapping your gift can be personalized. A little handwritten note expressing your gratitude can mean as much to your partner as the gift itself. Also be sure to give the gift in person. Personalized gift giving is a great way to spread goodwill and cheer amongst each other.
Feel special: Sometimes your partner likes to get noticed once in a while. We like to feel appreciated for our actions, feelings and aspirations and want to be noticed and acknowledged. Become a person who notices these things in your partner and give a compliment often. It will make your partner feel special and know how that you care. The only way our partner knows what makes us feel special is if we speak up. The gestures that make us feel special are different for each one of us. Learning how to make each other feel special takes time and an awareness. Taking this journey of self-discovery together is one of the joys of a relationship. A key to a happy relationship is a commitment to learn. It is an attitude of curiosity, discovery, and delight in each other. Learn this essential relationship wisdom, and you will make each other feel special every day.
Unconditional love: Love is the primary energy in the universe. Giving unconditional love will deliver the greatest joy possible. The term 'unconditional love' means to love without terms and conditions, which means giving of yourself. Unconditional love is accepting another for exactly who they are, not forcing the person to change to meet your expectations of how they should be. It is about giving the person the freedom to be exactly who they want to be by allowing, supporting and enabling them in every way you can. Unconditional Love is true neutrality; it does not judge or evaluate. It does not like or dislike. It does not blame, so it does not need to forgive. It does not have choices or preferences, opinions or positions. Unconditional Love does not dictate, is not authoritative. It has no expectations other than what is.
Put the Sizzle back
Learning how to establish and maintain a loving, supportive relationship is no different to setting any other goal. It takes information, planning, thought, skill, time, and most of all, attention. You learn your skills and styles from your parents, close friends and relatives. You watch them from the time you are little. They teach you both your roles in a relationship, and how to play them, through their example. This happens in every family and much of the teaching is unintentional and unconscious. You can learn to be assertive (not aggressive) and to collaborate with your partner. You can learn to listen with your mind and heart. You can learn to fight fair and resolve conflicts equitably and sanely. You can learn to value and acknowledge both yourself and your partner. You can learn to speak from your heart and be safe. You can learn to ask for what you need and want.
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| About the Author |
©2005 All rights reserved
Colin Dunbar has researched all aspects of goal setting for more than 25 years. He is now making his system available to everyone. Comprehensive manual with worksheets PLUS companion software.
www.eaziGOAL.com
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| Quotes | Have you seen a tall, lanky dufus with a bird face and hair like the bride of Frankenstein?-Elaine, describing Kramer
Having major planets disappear is always a bad sign.- Jim Blinn
Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.- Washington Irving
Great spirits often meet violent opposition with mediocre minds - Albert Einstein
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