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Give Yourself the EQ Edge |
| Susan Dunn |
Your success is dependent upon those around you. You can't succeed in the workplace, or at home, unless you are able to deal effectively with the other players in the game. Developing your emotional intelligence, your ability to control emotion, communicate effectively, and resolve conflict, will put you light years ahead of the competition.
Did you ever walk out of a meeting and have to ask someone else what happened? Did you ever think you had the contract in the palm of your hand, but lost it and had no idea why? Have you seen the promotion go to someone else less qualified and less skilled than you, and have no idea why? Has someone asked you what went on in a negotiation and you couldn't explain why the outcomes went the way it did?
Losing is bad. Not knowing why is really bad.
How much power can you have in your life when you don't understand why things happen? It's the most helpless feeling in the world to do everything right, according to the rules, using your reason and logic, and have it all blow up in your face.
Wouldn't you agree that if you don't understand what got you where you are, you can't make the changes that would be necessary to get you where you want to be?
You are really in a helpless position when you don't understand what's going on around you. You're like a kid in a room full of adults who are using big words, spelling, or talking a language you don't understand. They give each other looks and make gestures, but you don't know what they mean. What impact can you have?
Like a kid, you can cry or stamp your foot, pout or throw a tantrum, call the other person names or leave, but then you've acted like a child and will have about as much influence. You might get what you want in-the-moment, just to shut you up or to get rid of you, but you will be remembered as someone out-of-control, and therefore not to be taken seriously.
If you want to have the upper hand – and who doesn't? – you have to be in control of your behavior and emotions. In any interaction, it's the person with the largest repertoire of behavioral choices (and talking is a behavior) who will succeed.
When you aren't aware of how your behavior effects others, or when you are blinded by emotion, you are at a distinct disadvantage. Knowledge is power, but not just factual knowledge, emotional knowledge. People buy, choose, refuse, mate, hire and fire for emotional reasons. The reason we worship reason so much is because it's so rare!
You can dramatically increase your success when you broaden your range of responses, and this relies on highly developed emotional intelligence. It allows you to be able to read between the lines, where all the important things are written.
Either you control your emotions, or they control you. When you have a knee-jerk reaction to an insult, or a refusal, or the anxiety of another person, you are a puppet on a string. The strongest emotions, those designed for survival, function to actually inhibit thinking. In a primitive world that's helpful, but how often do you face a raging tiger these days? In today's world, it's a survival point to be able to think all the time, controlling the emotions and the stress so they do NOT inhibit thinking.
Our emotions give us vital information, and that's exactly and all they are, once you've developed your EQ – a source of information. You use them like a spreadsheet, to give you data with which you analyze, and apply logic and reason, as well as to make the important connections that make relationships work - in business of personal life. We also use them to forget the relationships that make our personal and professional life successful and rewarding.
EQ generally develops with age, but not necessarily. The good news is that whatever your age, you can learn the EQ competencies. It isn't like your IQ, which is more or less set at birth and determined in large part by your genes. Being part of the Lucky Gene Club is a random event. Being part of the High EQ Club is a matter of choice.
As Warren Bennis, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Business Administration, USC, said, "Emotional intelligence, more than any other asset, more than IQ or technical expertise, is the most important overall success factor."
If you read this quote and assumed that IQ or technical expertise don't count, that's jumping to a conclusion, which you can learn to avoid by developing your EQ. IQ and technical expertise matter, as do logic, and reason. It's the interface between thinking and feeling that EQ is all about. One without the other is like a ship without a rudder.
How you manage emotion, yours and others, will determine your relationships, career, finances, stress tolerance, immunity, and ultimately your wellness.
Give it a try. Most people say, "It's the missing piece."
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| About the Author |
©2005 All rights reserved
Susan Dunn, San Antonio, TX, USA
http://www.susandunn.cc
Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, transitions, resilience, personal and professional development. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.
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