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Guilt - the emotional shackle |
| Mitch Harris |
You hear so many people these days talking about fear and the importance of getting past it. I agree and I believe that it is extremely important to not let your fears hold you back in life and keep you from really going for what is important. Understanding that, I want to speak with you briefly about an emotion that I believe can be just as crippling as fear, that gets much less attention - guilt. Or as I call it, the "emotional shackle" of our lives.
When I say guilt, what I mean is the feeling that you don't deserve something, or you're not worthy of something because you've screwed up or done something wrong in the past. The feeling that you are bad or wrong or even dirty in some way because of something you didn't do the way you or someone else thought you should have. It's a feeling that clings to you and very often taunts you, like a taskmaster or a jailor. It very often keeps you in an endless loop of self-deprecating dialogs with yourself, leaving you unable to move on. It is the epitome of negative self-judgment. And I call it the emotional shackle because to one degree or another, it is a refusal to let go of the past. It literally keeps us "shackled" to our past deeds and emotions. And this is something that affects so many of us.
So what can we do to counteract the detrimental effects of guilt in our lives? Well first of all, we can make a few distinctions that change how we view guilt and what it means to us. For example, making the realization that just because you feel guilty about something, that does not mean that you have high standards for yourself in that area. Just because you beat up on yourself for not doing something well, that does NOT mean that you are committed to excellence. If you feel guilty about something, do you know what it means? All it means is that you feel guilty. That's all - it - means.
Let me ask you a question, do you know or have you ever known someone who is EXTREMELY successful in some or many aspects of life, someone you really look up to - who is generally guilt free in the way they carry themselves, even when they make mistakes? They're not always beating up or scolding themselves about every little thing.
Conversely, do you know anyone who is not particularly successful, at least not by your standards, but they are CONSTANTLY beating up on themselves or focusing on what they are doing wrong, or constantly immersed in a state of guilt? If you've been on this earth for any fair amount of time, I would say the chances of your answering "yes" to both of those questions is extremely high. So guilt, contrary to popular perception, is not what determines greatness or impeccable standards.
Let me put it this way: FEELING GUILTY IS NOT NOBLE OR NECESSARY. IT IS SIMPLY A LIMITING EMOTION THAT HOLDS YOU BACK!
Now, in making this point, I am not saying that you shouldn't listen to what your conscience tells you is right or wrong in any given situation, or that you shouldn't adhere to the moral compass you've adopted either from your parents or your religion or your upbringing or wherever you got it. That is not for me to tell you and that's not the point I'm making here anyway. What I am saying is you don't have to beat up on yourself to be successful. You don't have to dwell on past mistakes as a license to be able to claim that you hold yourself to a high standard. Does that make sense? Do your best, learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and MOVE ON!!!
Yours In Success,
Mitch Harris
President
Communication Mastery
"We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past when what we should do is let go of it, like Peter did. Once you let go of guilt, then you go out and change the world."
- JAMES CARROLL
"Guilt always hurries toward its complement, punishment; only there does its satisfaction lie."
-LAWRENCE DURRELL
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| Quotes | A smart man covers his butt, a wise man simply leaves his pants on.
C.D. Bailey
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Edmund Blackadder
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Alex Trebek
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