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Me Talk Guyspeak Someday |
| Diane Danielson |
Recently, the Houston Chronicle printed an interesting article about the communication gap between genders.
Imagine a typical meeting. A problem has come up with, say, the making of a new type of paper cup, and the team has to get together to fix it. The problem is described, and discussion begins about cost, efficiency, sales and the like. Finally, one of the women in the room brings up other concerns — environmental pitfalls, consumer preferences and cultural issues. The men stare. What is she talking about? What does the environment have to do with the cost per cup?
The article then went on to discuss differences between male and female communication styles and the misunderstandings that can result in the office. Aha! The proverbial light bulb blinked on and off a few times in the old gray matter. Perhaps this was the explanation behind my never ending dating dilemmas: I just didn't understand "guyspeak." So, like women on a mission, my friend, N, and I hit the island of Nantucket for a little R&R (research and revelation), and learned the following about the virile vernacular.
Guyspeak Rule No.1: The goal of the conversation is to win. (Otherwise known as the "he who asks for directions first is a big fat loser" rule.) This is why men love sports talk; there are stats, facts, and other endless ways to "one-up" each other. Since women use conversation to include people and make them feel more comfortable, simply asking a question like "How about those Red Sox?" satisfies both genders. (Trust us. You won't have to say another word. And it doesn't even have to be baseball season.)
Guyspeak Rule No.2: Men often one-up by actually putting-down. Some experts think women need to "brag like boys" to succeed. While they may have a good point, we were surprised to discover that men really don't brag all that much. Instead, they often do quite the opposite. They make themselves look better by insulting their friends. In fact, that's actually a male bonding ritual. So, the next time my four-year old son calls me a "poo-poo" head, I will smile and say "Thank you, dear. I love you, too."
Guyspeak Rule No.3: Men focus only on the issue at hand. For example, an unmarried couple is reading the Sunday paper together. Perusing the travel section, the woman casually mentions that her dream honeymoon would be in Italy. The boyfriend says, "Yeah, I'd like to go to Italy." Now, the woman can already feel the weight of that obviously soon to be forthcoming, several carat, Tiffany-set, diamond ring on her finger; but the boyfriend is simply thinking, "Yeah, I'd like to go to Italy." (And in fact, has already dropped that thought and is unlikely to ever remember saying it in the first place.) However, if he's a particularly deep thinker, than he might be mulling over, "If I happen to still be dating you, at the time when I feel ready to make a commitment, and if I actually decide to go through with the whole marriage thing, yeah, I'd like to go to Italy."
Guyspeak Rule No.4: The same gesture can have completely different meanings when performed by different genders. The best example we uncovered this weekend was this new trend where women send men flowers. (While we couldn't actually find a woman who would admit to doing this, there seemed to be quite a few men on the receiving end.) So, we asked the guys what they thought of this. Apparently, not a whole lot. They confessed that they never knew quite what to do with the flowers. Put them on top of the big screen TV? Or on the table next to the Barcalounger? However, they all agreed that if we ever wanted to send them Game Boys, beer or a fancier remote, now that would get their attention.
Guyspeak Rule No.5: Men don't willingly say or do anything they don't want to do. After a brief conversation about the Red Sox and the inadequacies of his best friends (Guyspeak Rules No.1 and No.2), a man asks a woman for her number. We all know the scenario. The woman and her friends then spend the next 24 hours analyzing (1) whether he is potentially "datable;" and (2) whether or not he said or did anything to indicate that he actually might call. From the male point of view, he wouldn't ask for your contact information if he didn't want it. However, how do you explain when he doesn't call? This is when we need to refer back to Guyspeak Rule No.3: At that time, when he was talking to you, he did actually want to see you again. However, that thought has now passed. But it's not beyond resurrection. Therefore, you could send him an email reminding him that he once had that thought. Just don't send him flowers. (Guyspeak Rule No.4).
Thought for the Week: Whether we're at work or play when trying to communicate with others, we need to remember that while we may be using the same words, we may not all be speaking the same language.
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| Quotes | Ive always wanted to be a scientist. That way, I could get a bunch of grants and do research into whether money can really buy happiness.
Kyannke.
Ive always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin |
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