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From Woe Is Me to Amazing! |
| Andrea Deering |
"If I was only 20 pounds lighter, I would enjoy life."
"If I had more money, I would be happy."
"When I finish the laundry, pay the bills, clean the basement or _______ (fill in the blank), I'll have time to see my friends, read a book or relax."
How often do you say or think one of those statements? If you're like most women, it's all too frequent. As women and mothers, we're bombarded constantly with words, music and visuals that try to convince us that we aren't good enough. The advertisers suggest that if we have buns of steel; a home that shines like Mr. Clean lives with us; are built like a Tyra Banks; make lots of money; buy our kids everything they want; climb the corporate ladder; run our kids to every practice, go to every game and help them with their homework; make gourmet meals daily with fresh ingredients from our garden and put on our sexy, Victoria's Secret lingerie at the end of the day to excite our husbands, then we'll have it all – a happy family and be content.
What's wrong with that picture? Sounds like a modern-day, albeit twisted version of Leave It To Beaver. It is a Hollywood fantasy. At the end of day in the life of a real mother, we all know what happens – pure, utter exhaustion. We've all been caught in the do-it-all-perfectly-and-I'll-be-happy myth. And it is a lie. Did you get that? Trying to do it all and sacrificing yourself is detrimental to you and your family. As mothers, if we buy into this myth and work really hard and do everything we "should," we'll self destruct. Many of us are already there or have been time and again. We wonder why we're tired, stressed, overweight, negative, overwhelmed and frustrated. And we keep pushing ourselves harder and further, to what end? Many of us are already in survival mode.
If a person is stranded during a blizzard, the body does what it needs to keep the most vital organs functioning and sacrifices the limbs by letting them freeze. The body is fighting for survival and keeping what's vital alive. The same thing happens when we're stressed and overloaded during the daily blizzard of life.
By striving to do it all, we physically end up amputating part of our lives – often the parts or people we love most – degrading our health, losing ourselves, teetering on the edge of divorce or in extreme cases, all of the above. Our bodies tell us, quietly at first then loud and clear. We must listen and take care of what's vital – ourselves. We cannot afford to ignore the warning signs – aches, pains and illness and the voice of our true selves. By ignoring our inner voice and these signs, we're dismissing, minimizing or devaluing who we really are. We're unconsciously and slowly shutting off our oxygen –our life – for the sake of others.
Replace the Myth
So what is the answer? Let the do-it-all-perfectly-and-I'll-be-happy myth go. Stop right now while you're reading this. Close your eyes and take three deep, belly breaths. Then ask your self, "What do I need right now to take care of myself?" Pause and listen, really listen. It may be buried deep within but you – and only you – know the answer. For some of my clients, it is 20 minutes of quiet time, a nap when the kids are asleep, canceling all unnecessary meetings, taking a relaxing bath with no interruptions, going to kick-boxing class to get rid of frustrations or calling a friend to talk. What is it for you? Whatever it is, allow yourself to have it. Let me repeat that, give yourself permission and allow yourself to be and do whatever your soul needs.
Now replace "the myth" with the do-what-I-need-to-be-healthy-and-happy principle. Ask yourself throughout the day, "What do I need to take care of myself?" It may feel awkward at first but it is the key in you coming alive and creating your life.
You're probably wiggling in your seat thinking, "What about making dinner, doing laundry, bathing the baby…" Obviously, you must not abandon the non-negotiables – feeding, providing for and loving your family. Just don't let everything become a necessity.
Accept Who and Where You Are
The second part of the solution can be more difficult. However, it is vital to your survival and joy. Go look at yourself in a mirror. Seriously, get up and go to the closest mirror and really look. What do you see? Don't just look at the superficial you – your clothes, hair and makeup – that's what we usually do. Instead, look deep into your eyes, what do you see at your core? A woman and mother who is kind, gentle, tired, loving, wise, resourceful and beautiful. A woman yearning to be her true self and, oh so worthy of being loved. Now is the time to accept and love yourself. Where you are is exactly where you are meant to be. You are worthy of love right now. Accept that where you are is perfect. You've heard the airplane pre-flight instructions about putting on the oxygen mask first before helping others. This is true every day of our lives – you must love and accept yourself before you can love others. Often we get caught up in the myth and think taking care of ourselves is unnecessary, even a vain waste of time. On the contrary, nourishing yourself is life-giving. Amazing You
Now it's time to really let it sink in just how amazing you are. Think of the last three times you were really there for others. Put yourself in the receiving person's shoes. What do you think came to mind for them? Don't push the acknowledgement away. Let it really sink in. Maybe something similar to the following comes to mind or was actually expressed – "you are such a great friend," "mommy, I wuv you," "you are so compassionate and giving" or "you made my day." What words do you think that same person would use to describe you? Loving, understanding, a God-send or _____ (fill in the blank). Absorb whatever comes to mind and relish in it like a baby rolling naked on the floor.
Now is the time to uncover the real you. You've imagined a more fulfilling life for yourself. Take a step forward to create it. Start small. Implement one new idea from the Nourishment For Your Soul list every week. Remember you're worth it. Nourish your soul, enjoy who you are and watch as your transformation and life unfolds.
Nourishment For Your Soul
1. Accept yourself right where you are. 2. Be gentle with yourself. (stop the negative inner chatter) 3. Listen to and follow your inner voice. 4. Every time you think about something related to "the myth," replace it with a positive affirmation "I am doing what is vital to nourish my soul." 5. Look in the mirror every day or get a picture of when you were a little girl and ask yourself/your little girl, "What do you need to be happy today?" Then listen and do what she says. 6. Write down what made you feel good about yourself today. 7. Imagine the possibilities. Write them down. They are infinite and only limited by your thoughts.
If you are ready to begin your journey and Live the Life You Imagine, contact Andrea Deering, Metamorphosis Unlimited today! Call 989.233.2142 or email andrea.deering@sbcglobal.net to schedule a free, half hour coaching consultation.
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| About the Author |
©2004 All rights reserved
Andrea Deering
andrea.deering@sbcglobal.net
Andrea Deering is an inspiring co-active life coach, presenter and writer. She empowers women to uncover and embrace their magnificence and live the life they imagine. She was trained through The Coaches Training Institute (CTI) and is a member of the Christian Coaches Association.
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I want an Internet. Can I have one of those? -- Spice Girl Mel B.,aka Scary Spice, pointing to a monitor during an AOL press conference
I want to get a tatoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 taller. -- Steven Wright
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.-Woody Allen, on the KKK
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